


aloha, hoe

by orphan_account



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, F/F, M/M, Slow Burn, Trans Gladion, again rhats not important just sprinkling in my headcanons, autistic n, bc im me and im a hoe, groupchat au, i decided working on this at two am would be fun, literally based off of all of the other groupchat fics in this fucking fandom, n is here because fuck you i love him, not like thats important but sh, text fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-07-21 04:36:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Sopth: holy fuck hes a homestuckGL4DI0N: N0 1’M N0T.Sopth: sure, ok.SATOSHI: its ! a gc !!! for all my friends!!!!GL4DI0N: WE ARE N0T FRI3NDS BUT G0 0FF, I GUESS.





	1. Chapter 1

**[ a group chat has been created! ]**

SATOSHI has added Lillie, volcano man, and two others to the group!

[ SATOSHI renamed the chat **aloha alola**! ]

SATOSHI: is it safe to consume shampoo.

volcano man: what.

SATOSHI: is. it. safe. to. con. sume. sham. poo.

Mawwow: i dunno dude, it peojably isn’t.

Sopth: peojably.

SATOSHI: peojably.

volcano man: peojably.

Mawwow: s t o p .

SATOSHI: guys please answer my questions.

Lillie: Why did you eat shampoo in the first place?

SATOSHI: it just sort of happened.

Mawwow: like team rocket?

SATOSHI: hey >:/

SATOSHI: theyre not that bad. ive known them for ages.

Mawwow: sure, ash. but i don’t know. ask an adult or something?

SATOSHI: sadly i’m without adult supervision.

SATOSHI: @volcano man youre the okdest is it safe to consume shampoo.

volcano man: idk the most that’ll happen is diarrhea and vomiting. it really depends on the brand.

Sopht: wow. a savior.

SATOSHI: i’ll probably be fine. stomach of steel lol

Lillie: Should I be more concerned for your health?

SATOSHI: probably. any w a y s ! !

Sopth: did u just create this chat to ask that? lol

SATOSHI: no !!! i have 1 for all of the regions tht i visit! even 1 for unova!

Mawwow: why ??

SATOSHI: unova was nice :/ ignoring team plasma and gh*st*s >:/

Lillie: Why . . . . . . censor the name?

SATOSHI: we dont speak the names of abusers in this good, christian chat.

Lillie: . . . .

volcano man: yea you’re right.

SATOSHI: i jus thought that it would be nice to have a gc!! :((

volcano man: isn’t it like. midnight,,,,,,,

valcano man: yEAH ITS MIDNIGHT.

SATOSHI: why r yall up then.

Lillie: Please be safe and responsible and sleep. Be sane.

Sopth: @everyone why are you up at three am?

Sopth: ill start: video games.

SATOSHI: nightmares got me like yeehaw 🤠

Lillie: Would you like to talk about it?

SATOSHI: nah lol i’m ok.

SATOSHI: thanks for asking lils!

Lillie: Of course! Just. Please get sleep whenever available, okay?

SATOSHI: 👌

Lillie: Anyways. I was talking to my brother.

Mawwow: owo whats this? you have a sibling??

Lillie: Yes!

SATOSHI: pls invite him.

Lillie: ??? Okay??

**[ Lillie has added GL4DI0N to the chat! ]**

GL4DI0N: L1LLIE WHAT TH3 FUCK IS THIS?

Lillie: Language, brother! >:(

GL4DI0N: IM S0RRY ILL TRY AGAIN

GL4DI0N: LILLIE, MAY I PLEASE KN0W THE DETAILS 0F WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS.

Sopth: holy fuck hes a homestuck

GL4DI0N: N0 1’M N0T.

Sopth: sure, ok.

SATOSHI: its ! a gc !!! for all my friends!!!!

GL4DI0N: WE ARE N0T FRI3NDS BUT G0 0FF, I GUESS.

Mawwow: was that. a meme.

GL4DI0N: 0BV10USLY.

Lillie: He’s not usually this mean, I promise.

volcano man: sure he isn’t.

GL4DI0N: IM SCROLLING UP AND. ASH WHY DID YOU EAT SHAMPOO.

SATOSHI: wow created this group to have a good time and i’m feeling so attacked rn.

**[ Private Message: GL4DI0N —— > get back in the bag ]**

GL4DI0N: HES CUTE & HIS DUMB PERS0NALITY IS . . . . ENDEARING, I SUPP0SE. HES ALS0 JUST FUCKING D U M B .

get back in the bag: Will you stay in the chat instead of running off?

GL4DI0N: . . . . .

GL4DI0N: FINE, I GUE55.

get back in the bag: <3

GL4DI0N: <3 U T00, S1S.

GL4DI0N: N IS DOING FINE BUT HES TRYING TO GET ME TO SEND NULL OUT FOR HIM TO APOLOGIZE.

get back in the bag: Did it happen again?

GL4DI0N: YES. I T0LD HIM IT WAS F1NE.

get back in the bag: Hold on.

**[ Private Message: get back in the bag —— > green crown emoji ]**

get back in the bag: Would you like to hang out with Gladion and I tomorrow, N?

green crown emoji: Sure. I’m still staying in Alola. Same island and everything. Zorua likes it here, and I suppose I do too. It’s hot, though.

get back in the bag: :) okay! I’ll message you later, N.

**[ Private Message: get back in the bag —— > GL4DI0N ]**

get back in the bag: We can hang out together and deal with that tomorrow, if that’s okay? I don’t have school, since it’s a Sunday.

GL4DI0N: THATS F1N3. I WAS THINKING 0F TAKING A DAY 0FF ANYWAYS.

get back in the bag: :)

[ **aloha alola** — _30 new messages_ ]

SATOSHI: and that was the story of how i officially became a criminal and stole a boat.

GL4DI0N: WHAT TH3 FUCK.


	2. G4Y

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SATOSHI: so ig im staying in alola for longer than i planned to !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have a quick one bc im slightly upset and in a big gladion mood.

**[ groupchat - kanto friends ! ]**

SATOSHI: so ig im staying in alola for longer than i planned to !

waterfall: Wait, what? Why??

SATOSHI: bc theres gonna be an elite 4! and some of the legendaries adopted me. and i made a promise to one of them. technically, in a dream but! i still made a promise and i am determined to actively keep it!!

the rock: Arceus . . .

**[ groupchat - aloha alola! ]**

Mawwow: wait before we continue on

Mawwow: **_@Lillie @GL4DI0N_**

Mawwow: who was that one dude u were w/??? the like. bushy green hair and a cap????? ponytail dude.

volcano man: i thought i was supposed to be ponytail dude.

Mawwow: shhh thats not important kaki >:(

SATOSHI: oh! u mean N right?? i met him in unova. i didnt know hes in alola rn tho.

Mawwow: who. names their child n? isnt there like. some law abt how long or short ur kid’s name has to be??

SATOSHI: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Mawwow: not helpful but ok >:(

Lillie: Oh! Yes, N. He’s a friend of ours.

GL4DI0N: HE’S 0KAY, I GUESS. FOR S0M3ONE WHO BARELY GETS HUM4N INTERACTI0N.

GL4DI0N: AND IS, FR4NKLY, ABSOLUTE SHIT AT IT.

SATOSHI: last time i heard of him, aka when he bothered to message the gc, he was getting better at the human interaction thing.

Lillie: Okay that’s rude >:(

Mawwow: ash how fucking dare u >:((

**[ DIRECT MESSAGE : GL4DI0N — > Mawwow ]**

GL4DI0N: G4Y.

**[ DIRECT MESSAGE ENDED ]**

**[ Groupchat - aloha, alola! ]**

Mawwow: im quaking in my fucking boots im

GL4DI0N: :)

SATOSHI: wh. what

Mawwow: akdbsjfjjsjf dw abt it.


	3. rt 2 kill homophobia and transphobia

**[ groupchat - aloha alola! ]**

**[ SATOSHI changed their name to ‘oh heck guys’ ]**

oh heck guys: I STILL OWE MISTY A NEW BIKE

oh heck guys: THIS WASNT SUPPOSED TO GO HERE BUT I. OWE. MISTY. A BIKE. STILL!!

volcano man: ???? the water gym leader in kanto misty????

oh heck guys: YEAH. ITS BEEN SEVEN YEARS.

Mawwow: ash excuse me but why the FUCK are you thinking about it just now???

oh heck guys: i saw a rly cool bike and i was txting misty @ the time.

Mawwow: smh my head.

oh heck guys: lmao i cant believe im some sort of chosen one yall this is WILD.

Lillie: wait what.

Sopth: what. chosen one what. what the fuck.

oh heck guys: lol look at that. professr kukui’s callin me wow ........

oh heck guys: bye uwu

Mawwow: YOU DONT GET TO “bye uwu” US AFTER DROPPING THAT WHAT

**[ aloha, alola! — 2:57 PM ]**

oh heck guys: i cant believe ive died multiple times, been 15 for about seven yrs, befriended and almost thought abt catching almost every legendary ive come across, and yet there is STILL transphobia and homophobia like WOW :/

Mawwow: wh. whAT.

oh heck guys: one of the officers thats related to officer jenny is trans and was getting backlash abt it. :// and im gay.

Sopth: I’m pretty sure that’s not what Mallow was talking about but ok.

oh heck guys: i also cannot believe when i first met team rocket they were all like. “we’re not interested in your pikachi” and yet! here we are, seven yrs later like wow. i dunno why the three of them STILL work 4 team rocket. i used to think they were more competent whn i first met them but

oh heck guys: i guess i was wrong ;;;; [ eyes emoji @ bewear ]

GL4DI0N: wait no go back to the immortal thing because what the fuck

Sopth: Wow, Gladion too??

GL4DI0N: shut the fuck up im older than you.

Lillie: By two years, brother . . .

oh heck guys: language bt ya! im immortal lmao.

oh heck guys: rly its no big deal. ive seen uhhhh

oh heck guys: ho-oh. jirachi. melloeta. victini. mew. hoopa. articuno. zapdos. moltres. mewtwo. arceus. entei. suicune. raikou. lugia. theres more but theres also so many legendaries.

volcano man: what the hell youve seem arceus??

oh heck guys: ya!! i think i died for that. not sure. its been a while since ive seen them.

oh heck guys: and i guess i can count the tapus too?? so.

GL4DI0N: I LEAVE F0R TEN MINUT3S WHAT THE FUCK.

**[ direct message: get back in the bag — > GL4DI0N ]**

get back in the bag: This. Why this, brother??

GL4DI0N: what the fuck wHAT THE FUCK. IM??

get back in the bag: It’s the guy you’re in love with. I do think you will have to get used to this, however.

GL4DI0N: SHUT.

**[ direct message has been closed! ]**

**[ groupchat - aloha, alola! ]**

**[ Rotom Dex has invited theirself into the chat! ]**

Rotom Dex: Ash, may I please get a record of all of your journeys?

oh heck guys: yeah, lol. you might have 2 go into the other chats i have tho.

volcano man: ahould i be concerned.

oh heck guys: yeah maybe. anyways! professors calling me so! brb! ｖ（＾＿＾ｖ）♪

Lillie: not sure if that should horrify me or not.

Mawwow: akdjskfndj

**[ groupchat - aloha, alola! : 6:00 PM ]**

oh heck guys: yall if i tell ppl im like. the chosen one or w/e (reshiram & zekrom did choose me lol) and i tell ppl to stop being homophobic and transphobic wld tht kill homo & transphobia.

Mawwow: idk maybe.

oh heck guys: rt to kill homophobia and transphobia.

Mawwow: rt

Sopth: ry

Sopth: **rt

Lillie: Uhm? RT! Am I doing that right??

Mawwow: youre doing perfectly sweetie ///// !!!!!

**[ direct message : GL4DI0N — > Mawwow ]**

GL4DI0N: Y0U’RE N0T TH4T SM00TH, MALL0W.

Mawwow: you arent either! >:(

GL4DI0N: I’M THE SM00TH3ST. I DONT KNOW WHAT Y0U M34N.

Mawwow: your typing gives me a headache :/

**[ direct message closed! ]**

**[ groupchat - aloha, alola! ]**

volcano man: rt!!!

GL4DI0N: . . . .

GL4DI0N: R FUCKING T.

volcano man: wow thats a bit aggressive hm.

GL4DI0N: 0F FUCKING C0URSE.

oh heck guys: ya now that i think abt it, i have DEFINITELY died and then saw arceus.

Lillie: Please be a bit safer, Ash . . .

Mawwow: pls post on ur insta tht ur the chosen one.

oh heck guys: ?? im safe all the time yall. safe is my middle name.

Sotph: i thought ur middle name was ash or smthn. since ur first name is satoshi.

volcano man: what’s with that, by the way??

oh heck guys: what do you expect, im kantonian. and no its just. smthn short for my first name.

Lillie: Wouldn’t it be something like. Sato??? Or something, I’m not sure.

oh heck guys: akdnksjf it cld but like. nah. i rly dont. Want That.

GL4DI0N: UNDERST4NDABL3. N0T EVERYONE LIK3S T0 BE REMINDED 0F TH4T, I GUESS.

volcano man: ???

Lillie: Anyways.

Mawwow: **@oh heck guys** pls accept prof kukui as ur dad.

oh heck guys: lol hes more of a dad than my dad ever was 2 me. so ya ive already acvepted it haha.

**[ direct message : GL4DI0N — > oh heck guys ]**

GL4DI0N: AR3 Y0U 0K4Y, 45H.

oh heck guys: ya! dw abt it glads. thanks tho.

GL4DI0N: . . .

GL4DI0N: Y0U’R3 W3LC0M3, 1 SUPP0S3.

**[ direct message closed! ]**

**[ groupchat - aloha, alola! ]**

oh heck guys: anywayz im going to bed lol. gn.

**[ oh heck guys is now offline! ]**

volcano man: **@Rotom Dex** is he ok.

Rotom Dex: I do not — bzzt — think it is my place to say.

Rotom Dex: You should all be getting some zzzzs. You have school tomorrow!

GL4DI0N: I D0NT BUT G00DBY3.

Sopth: istg your typing gets slightly more incomprehensible every hour youre in this chat.


	4. z

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mawwow: the . . . the queen?
> 
> oh heck guys: yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUH ITS BEEN A WHILE H U H .  
> i dont havr any excuses other than laziness and school lmao

**[ GROUPCHAT - aloha alola ! ]**

oh heck guys: arceus can and will smite me down

Mawwow: i feel as jf i should express concern but like. youre probably ok right?

oh heck guys: no i was calling misty earlier and thags what she said to me after i tokd her about her bike.

oh heck guys: which i still havent returned. in like. seven years.

volcano man: What even happened to that bike?

oh heck guys: scorched to hell and back. i think. back when pikachu was more of a brat and didnt listen to me :/

oh heck guys: anyways big topic change lol.

oh heck guys: why is it that.

oh heck guys: whenever some major villain has a kid. their parenting is shit.

Lillie: ? What do you mean??

oh heck guys: top secret information but leader of team rocket has a son. leader of team plasma has a son. both of their parenting is. shitty.

Mawwow: wasnt team plasma brought down by that one trainer.

oh heck guys: . . . . .

oh heck guys: aure lets leave it at that :)

Mawwow: ????

oh heck guys: anyways oetition for people to strat raising their kids better.

volcano man: ash are you okay.

oh heck guys: no i havent slept in. years.

oh heck guys: not literally but i do feel like my soul itself bas ascended to the astral plane. the queen is looking at me, disappointed.

Mawwow: the . . . the queen?

oh heck guys: yes.

oh heck guys: t h e q u e e n .

oh heck guys: anyways! yeah gn

**Author's Note:**

> i apologize. dont expect much out of my writing or this fic. just. bls dont


End file.
